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Has-beens tell many tales and practically all bend the truth - but funny - no one seems to notice.
Still, at a recent gathering of our has-been crowd I overheard a conversation between two spouses of has-beens that went like this:
Spouse 1 (speaking low): "They tell these same stories every year."
Spouse 2 (eyes rolling): "I know - don't they realize?"

We do realize - sort of - but doesn't everyone just love to hear these stories? And don't the listeners think that we, the tellers, are just a bit more special (read, cool) after hearing these tales? Don't they?



Into the Breach by Milton

The Fedora by Milton

Hands Like Henry by Milton

Oafs Go Deep by Milton

Georgia Baseball by Milton

Hemorrhoids by Milton

LeanAndRest by Milton

The Connoisseur by Milton




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Tall Tales
Oft Told [Tall] Tales
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"LEAN & REST" by Milton
On Thursdays, a day of transition between the hard labor of Tuesdays and Wednesdays and the easier pace of Fridays, calisthenics were led by Coach Hudak. He acted the hard taskmaster and we, the overworked peons --- a bit of a con by all parties. After a few warming-up exercises, Coach Eddie's ramrod smile would stretch ear-to-ear as he called for his favorite drill, the dreaded "Lean & Rest". This is just a glorified push-up' initiated and concluded in a standing position. It's a six-step movement, and Coach Ed would lead the cadence with a hearty enthusiasm. But on one Thursday his mind must have been on more pressing matters, for he ordered up, "Lean & Rest, on seven counts". There were some muffled snickers in the ranks, but we proceeded with the drill. Well, at the count of six we're back on our feet with nothing left to do but let fly a chorus of "Seven." Coach Eddie didn't stay flustered for long, and we began again in the conventional way. But for the rest of that season, each Lean & Rest repetition ended with a few scattered "Sevens" --- Wally King's voice always among the most prominent. And, at such times, Coach Ed's famous grin would stretch even wider --- perhaps even to the point of accommodating the entire pack of Camels which legend held he could smoke all at one time.

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