Has-beens tell many tales and practically all bend the truth - but funny - no one seems to
Still, at a recent gathering of our has-been crowd I overheard a conversation between two spouses of
has-beens that went like this:
Spouse 1 (speaking low): "They tell these same stories every year."
Spouse 2 (eyes rolling): "I know - don't they realize?"
We do realize - sort of - but doesn't everyone just love to hear these stories? And don't the
listeners think that we, the tellers, are just a bit more special (read, cool) after hearing these tales? Don't they?
Into the Breach
Hands Like Henry
Oafs Go Deep
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Oft Told [Tall] Tales
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"HEMORRHOIDS" by Milton
Late season scrum one afternoon at practice. Under the lights, cool and damp. Big collision,
with the typical pile of humanity as the aftermath. Some moaning from the bottom of the stack.
Bodies peel off, leaving one face down on the turf. It's Larko. Trainers now on the scene,
crouched down, soon enclosed by a circle of the curious. Coach Leck on the fringe, up on the
balls of his feet, peering over the shoulder pads and past the helmets. Medics to Larko,
"Where is it hurting, Andy?" In response, "Aaaaugh, my hemorrhoids", groans our Chairman.
Immediate hoots of laughter all around. Coack Leck strides briskly away. Eyes dancing, face
twitching, about to break up with mirth. Using every ounce of self-control to avoid laughing
at the distress of one of his players. He barely succeeds.
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