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Has-beens tell many tales and practically all bend the truth - but funny - no one seems to notice.
Still, at a recent gathering of our has-been crowd I overheard a conversation between two spouses of has-beens that went like this:
Spouse 1 (speaking low): "They tell these same stories every year."
Spouse 2 (eyes rolling): "I know - don't they realize?"

We do realize - sort of - but doesn't everyone just love to hear these stories? And don't the listeners think that we, the tellers, are just a bit more special (read, cool) after hearing these tales? Don't they?



Into the Breach by Milton

The Fedora by Milton

Hands Like Henry by Milton

Oafs Go Deep by Milton

Georgia Baseball by Milton

Hemorrhoids by Milton

LeanAndRest by Milton

The Connoisseur by Milton




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Tall Tales
Oft Told [Tall] Tales
Got a tall tale to tell? - Please email any and all.

"The Fedora" by Milton
Art Gould, nice fellow and Lehigh football fan ... also chairman of the IE department and Theta Delt's faculty advisor. Since I am an IE undergrad and a Theta Delt officer, the Prof is a chap with some measure of control over my well-being. He makes an appearance at the frat's post-Lafayette social, sporting a new hat ostensibly acquired especially for the occasion, quite proud of his new chapeau, mentioning it more than once. Having a good time, staying through cocktails and dinner, and into the dance party.

After an hour or so of this, and now ready to go, Prof Gould comes to me and sez he's unable to find his new hat. Wonders if I can help? Out of the Prof's line of sight, about twenty feet away, I see Larko doing the twist ... and on Andy's head - a fedora - now somewhat worse for wear. I put two and two together, and get an answer I don't like. Looking Art Gould in the eye, I say I've no idea where his new hat might be. Promise him the pledges will look for it when cleaning up the next morning. Assure him that we'll find it and return it during class on Monday. Come Monday, I'll blame its unfortunate loss on a mythical band of uninvited rowdies, alleged to have plundered the Hill in the wake of our great victory - the victory secured by the kick that, "Looked good all the way."

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